Love and Matters of the Heart with Baby Blinks

Firstly, may I sincerely apologize for my late posting today. It was very unavoidable.
*Unedited mail
Blinks,
I wanted to know if it is okay to forgive my boyfriend for cheating on me. He had sex with my classmate in my room while I wasn't around. It hurts me so much that he did this, yet he still denies it. He tell me nothing serious really happened. But It was very clear to me. Two sachets of condoms were missing in my rack. Secondly, I got them sweating like goats in a cold evening.
I love him a lot and I never thought he would do something like this to me. Every day he shows me how much he cares for me and loves me. So when I found out, it broke me to pieces. Now when I look at him, I just imagine him with that other girl. What should I do? Please help me.
Baby Blinks Opinion: Is it okay to forgive someone for cheating? Yes, in certain situations. Would I advise you to forgive your boyfriend for cheating? Honestly, NOOOOO!. I know that’s probably not the advice you were looking for, but hear me out.
The only time I would tell someone to forgive their BF for cheating is if the guy seemed really remorseful and realized that he made a huge mistake. And honestly, from what you've said, it doesn't sound like your boyfriend realizes that he did something wrong. The fact that he is still trying to deny what he did is proof of that. If he can’t man up and admit that he really did cheat on you, then he doesn't deserve your forgiveness. All that shows is that he probably doesn't think what he did was that bad – and there’s a huge possibility he could do it again.

In this case, it’s better to end things. Just by cheating on you alone, your boyfriend was showing you major disrespect. But letting it happen in your own room and with your classmate? That’s a whole other level of disrespect, girl. There’s nothing okay about what he did. Do you really want to be with someone who could betray you that badly?
Listen, I know you think your BF shows you that he cares – but cheating on you and sexing a girl/classmate in your room shows the complete opposite. Of course he doesn't want to lose you – you’re awesome and special. But this dude definitely does not deserve you. You deserve someone who wouldn't lie to you, disrespect you or completely betray you.
Do yourself a favor and get rid of this immature guy. There’s a huge chance that he might cheat on you again, and I know you’re going to have trouble trusting him. Don’t let anyone treat you that badly – you’ll find someone in the future who truly does care about you and love you. Until then, you’re better off single then staying with this guy.

That's my opinion. You guys have the best of opinions. So advice General. That guy is really suffering.
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Comments

Unknown said…
If you found out that your partner is cheating:
1) First of all CALM DOWN
2) Stop spying on your partner
3) Focus on your work and finances
4) Give yourself time to heal get along with your friends
5) Your partner is weak in emotions so regaining trust is not trustworthy option
6) Find another partner
7) If you can’t find another partner, then read below:

I had similar cheating experience with my boyfriend. So I had no choice but to do a research to understand from his mind why he did it. My boyfriend was a smarter jerk and knows that it will be his loss if we get separated. After 1 years of drama and 2 years of pain, it took me 3 long years to come out of my safety zone and try to feel and think the way cheaters feel and think. I started thinking and doing the same thing what he had been doing. So basically I understood that they do not want to compromise with what they have, they are trying to cherish life and enjoy it to the fullest. I have cheated multiple times now and I liked the thrill, the variety and the comfort I received. Well it always does not work with all your sex partners but sometime you hit jackpot. But I loved it. Now I can understand how my bf thinks and he is very jealous because he is not able to find good sex partners while I have become a pro in it. He has to settle with the ugly one’s while I rock on with the genuine, good looking guys. The transition was not easy and it took me very long time. But now I love the new me. Remember life is all about evolution, break the barrier and come out of it. You will love yourself, you will feel more confident and most of all free. And ofcourse deny all accusations of cheating by anyone, just like your partner does, never agree that you cheated even if you got caught just make some excuses. Its a done deal – take it or leave it and stick to it!


Paddy Pol.Sci. said…
Damilola has come to kill and to scatter with this wicked advice. pls oooo
Anonymous said…
Hey girl i totally knw how it feels my bf did cheated on me too since we were in livin relation i gave him a chance… Its been a 3 yrs now we are together and he is really caring and havent cheated on me and also he is planning for our marriage..But the thing is i really cant trust him if he do something new and different i keep on asking a bunch of question how why when etc etc..Even u forgive him u wont be able to trust him ever again.. If u can let go of him do it girl.. Just start a new life where u’l be fully satisfied and happy..
Anonymous said…
I was in the same situation my b/f cheated on me I took him back cause he was sorry and of course I loved him but he cheated again and got the girl pregnant he’s still asking for forgiveness but I know I can’t he hurt me so bad that am still in the zone. So no don’t forgive him just let him go once a cheater always a cheater
Anonymous said…
Jesus!c advice oo..dats just evil!!!!
Anonymous said…
I agree with baby blinks,shez actuali makn sense..dz guy is so care-free n dsn't see cheatn as smetyn bad,hez nt even sorry bou wt he dd n wil prolly do it again....babe get ova hm n muv on wif ur life jare,u dnt nid such
Cynthia said…
Be acreful Dami!
Unknown said…
Hi. I have been through a similar situation. My partner cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship (we weren’t too serious – it still hurt!) but I definitely think you should forgive him, what’s the point in holding a grudge your full life? BUT don’t forget. Once I forgave my partner I gave him everything. Loved him, trusted him and sacrificed so much for him. It wasn’t until he decided to end our 3 year relationship as it ‘wasn’t going anywhere’ he admitted to cheating throughout. I am still in a state of shock and can’t believe it. All I can think of is why?? What did I do to deserve this? So in response to your question I think you should forgive, but do NOT take him back. Once a cheat ALWAYS a cheat.. Don’t put yourself through the heartache. I hope you find happiness in life x
Adaeze Igboji said…
thats horrible! i would never take him back! if i was you i would have kicked him in thee balls then spit in his face. sorry i dont like men like that no one does but still….
Anonymous said…
Saying don’t forgive him and let him go, is easier said then done, for someone looking from the outside in. Its like a person in a boxing ring or any other sport shouting punch with the left, not considering the person involved’s history, and what they going threw their fears of maybe loosing the love of their lives, the special moments they shared and the plans for the future they have. If the lady in the above situation wants a solution to her problem she should take time and come to certain realizations, that can help her to become free of the person perceived to hurt her. If someone hurts us its cos we have given that person the power to hurt us.
Unknown said…
Babe, sorry 2 say dis........dat guy is a wolf in a sheep cloth. I believe dat any guy dat loves nd respect ur personality can never cheat on u, i dnt think dat guy lvs u but u realy lv d guy. It will b a gr8t shame if u hv given him s*x. Anyway, 4give him but dnt take urself 2 close 2 him again...........Ur heart desire shall come ur way oneday. But y do guys always cheat? Answer me u guys....cheats
Unknown said…
Real guys don't cheat. You have not just met the real one.
bbryno bright said…
Is it really a sin not to drop a comment? Ok o! I ve done dat.
Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said…
Reading this issue at hand one would truly sympathize with the victimized girl. But, I wish to draw your attention to the fact that unfaithfulness or promiscuity in a relationship is not just a gender stigma, but human stigma; in the sense that both male and female do cheat. Back to the issue, I'm glad you said he is your boyfriend not a husband. Boys are greedy so they do cheat, husbands are men so, they don't cheat. If a husband cheats, he is regarded as an infant. The attitude of your boyfriend has just been displayed, he has no honor towards you because from all indication it is a premeditated and calculated act but worse with your classmates and in your room, in your absence. To forgive him? Yes! That will break his power over you. But to accept him back, hell no!! He has no respect for you nor for the relationship, doing what he did with your classmates and in your room, when you weren't around. Meaning you can't trust him with your absence. One of the true test love is the test of sincerity and protection of the interest of the other, whether they are far of near. He is not being sincere with you nor will he protect your interest. You need to grow up and know this, if he valued everything you had share with him, he shouldn't have sacrificed your honor and reputation on the altar of promiscuity. The true test of value is in Sacrifice. He sacrificed everything you shared with him for sexual gratification; his sexual gratification is what he values most and not you nor the relationship. Better days are ahead.
ify eco said…
I agree wit blinks
Paddy Pol.Sci. said…
Its seems like Udeoklisa Chinelo is better than blinks in handling this column.
cutest said…
Let him go, him dnt deserve u
The fact said…
For your information, you have just been used and dumped then about to be used and dumped again.
Anonymous said…
My dia u wia nva loved . I like wat michael said.
Anonymous said…
One chance you enter
Unknown said…
Normally, I wuld say u shld 4give him (dnt wanna spoil a niggas parole). But then again, he f*cked ur friend! Give him another chance he'll f*ck ur sister this time. KICK HIS ASS OFF!
Anonymous said…
Real niggas dnt gv a fk...they get a fk..u shud knw dat we african men ar real niggas nd one bitch is neva enof 4 us..so dear get used to it am only sorry 4 d guy dat u kinda spoilt his parole..
valentineBiG said…
What tha fuck are u saying???
Unknown said…
Val free the idiot.
Anonymous said…
Nna eh,abeg val help me ask the nigga o

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