HIV AND UNN (EXPOSED!!!): WHY STUDENTS SHOULD STOP HIV TESTS

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Before I start, there is an idiot beside me now. He has been coughing since I entered this class. Okay, if you didn't know, This is PHYSIO. People do all sorts of funny things here in the name of night class. They fart really loud. And when they snore. Frogs outside respect human beings the more. After all, are we not trying to restore the dignity of man? Of all the things students do here. I hate coughing the most. Maybe this idiot coughing has Tuberclosis which is the number 1 symptom of HIV. Mtcheeww. Anyway that brings me to what I wanna write about.

Maybe you have heard how AIDS even came to the world. That in the 90s, your great-grand father from Ibibio with Libido problem had sex with a chimpanzee and got HIV1 which was the earliest form of AIDS originally found in chimapanzees. After getting the HIV1, your great-grand father spread it to humanity. If not for that your great-grand father. Yes YOU! If not for him, people would have been free to have sex around. At least, I know I would have fucked Ifeoma Uzoigwe in my class (Accountancy 400), or even that Banking Assistant Class Rep in 300 level, Cynthia or whatever.

That aside, what I am saying is that you have inherited HIV and AIDS from that your great-grand father. It has come to stay in your body. No matter the amount of "Chinasa" you eat, you will still get thin and die when the AIDS starts manifesting in your body. Well, what I am really here to say is that people should stop doing HIV tests because of the following reasons:
A) If you don't know your status, you will be scared to get the Virus. But if you test for HIV and find out the truth- that you are positive, you won't fear anything again. Theredore you will endeavour to pass it on to other innocent HIV-negative students like me.
B) If you discover you have it, the Stigma and worrying will kill you faster than the virus.
C) Just as the fear of God is the beggining of wisdom, the fear of AIDS is the beginning of decency. But if you discover you are positive, that fear will be removed, then you may go ahead and have sex with all those sharp law girls. Na only law you go fit get oh because medical students go ask for your medical report before anything. For your info sha, we have passed "Durex" level o. There is now a new brand in Ejike's shop called "Wild Cat". It was made specially for your "runs" with those girls in Ibiam that turn into Ibiam Cats at night. Maximum Protection. Spiritual and Medical!
So my brethren, while I am on my way to Harvard Business School, some of you may be there checking your HIV statuses.  Carry on.

Article originally appeared on Lionspot. UNN's No.1 Information network.