The Beauty and the Beast : By Chidimma Okafor

Once upon a time, a beautiful girl named belle, on a quest to save her father, met and fell in love with a beast who was actually a prince. He fell in love with her, released her father, and fought for her love. He regained his natural form as a prince and they lived happily ever after. Fairy tale. Or like we Nigerians will say, story. We were never told how she would cope with his volatile temper, which was what landed him in trouble in the first place. I know what they say about love, that love will probably cope in any crazy situation, but like Mr Bean will say; 'baloney'. Love isn't just enough most times. Not when you are dating or married to a beast.

If you are dating a beast and deceiving yourself into thinking he or she is just a bit forceful, or your heart doesn't want to believe what your brain is telling you, let me give you a little 411 on how to recognize a beast.
      First though, all men aren't beasts, just as all women aren't beauties. Secondly, some of us are hot tempered and have our little dramas. But if your partner is even a little violent, you should think twice about them. Violence is not limited to the usual dispensing of slaps in anger or verbal abuse. Do you feel terror when you think of his or her reaction to situations you have no control over? Do you constantly have to think up explanations, adding, subtracting and twisting the truth in order to present it as a sort of silent appeal? Most people think violence is limited to physical abuse. But if your partner is capable of manipulative or unpredictable actions when they are angry, or even waiting a while before extracting their revenge, you may just have gotten yourself a beast.
     Sad to say, in Nigeria women are almost always the beauties, while men are usually the beasts. And women, in their hurry to get hooked to Mr Right, just jump into the arms of any 'made' man, with the consolation that 'he will change.' Well, if you think so, ask your mum or aunt. She will definitely know somebody who know's somebody who married a beast with the words; 'i will change him or her' and instead ended up 'changing' just to avoid marital palava. If you suspect your partner is a beast, not to worry.
      Most wildlings can be tamed. Simply let them know that you are as good as your threat. If you make threats, never hesitate to carry them out. This will show that you aren't weak, and thus make them treat you with a measure of respect. However, taming your partner really depends on you, so if you can't stand creating consequences for your partner's actions, don't even bother trying to patch things up. Its probably in your best interest to end the relationship, because the weaker you are, the stronger a violent partner gets.
      For better, for worse... Marriage is a bond which can only be broken by death or divorce. And unless you intend to kill your partner and spend the rest of your life in kiri kiri, or nature decides, death is not going to happen in the early part of a marriage which is when violence is usually at its worst. Divorce on the other hand is messy and quite expensive, and proudly Naija, a lot of us would stay in the marriage, if not for appearances, then for our children. What then can you do?
     Hope thrives on life, so never anger your partner to the point where your life is threatened. Endurance and patience is the key. Also study your partner and be careful to avoid situations that will bring trouble. Of course no matter how tough your partner is, everyone eventually tires with age, and with age comes maturity and eventually at least one or two health issues which will keep your partner too busy for violence. Always keep in mind a beautiful African saying; Even stone will get done if you cook it long enough. 

                                                                                                                              Chidimma Okafor

                                                                                                                                   Writer/poet